The day I stopped chasing the life I was ‘supposed’ to live was the day my true journey began. Let me share with you why
Navigating life without understanding your intrinsic motivators is like sailing a ship without a compass—you might find land, but will it be your true destination?
We have let our society tell us how to live and what to live for. We work our life in a maze for a reward that never comes. The status quo doesn’t bring peace or happiness, just an internal war where the true self battles the socially controlled false self for supremacy.
Intrinsic Motivator Definition
Intrinsic motivators aren’t the applause at the end of the show; they’re the reason you get up on stage when there’s not a soul in the audience. These motivators emerge from within, untainted and pure, caring little for the glittering prizes the world holds up.
Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation is the undiluted essence of drive, nothing less than our true self, whereas extrinsic motivation is its diluted counterpart. The False Self (as its known in psychology) is shaped, formed, identified with the expectations of caregivers, peers, and society.
True Self vs. False Self
The false self is mask we put on to keep us safe in society but we eventually forgot we could take it off. What’s under the mask, is the thing we authentically are – Our true self.
It is hard to see because when we look for the true self, we look for what we know, we look for a mask-like thing but in reality, faces aren’t very mask-like.
Five Intrinsic Motivators and Examples
- Personal Growth:
This is about the relentless push to expand beyond the boundaries set for us, to evolve against the odds.
Example: When we are working from intrinsic motivations, we have much more mental energy to make changes in our life(1).
- Curiosity:
The spontaneous quest for knowledge we see in children. It never stops driving us to question the status quo and venture beyond familiar horizons.
Example: When we are curious, we learn things for the enjoyment of knowing(2).
- Autonomy:
The deep-seated yearning to chart our own course, to live by our rules.
Example: when have prioritized other peoples opinion about our decisions, the intrinsic motivation for autonomy is the pressure we feel to make our own decisions.
- Relatedness:
A genuine connection with others, seeking not validation but a shared existence, moments of understanding.
Example: The need for connection is what separates primates from lower branches on the evolutionary tree.
- Meaning:
The underlying drive to leave an imprint, to ensure that our presence is felt, that we contribute to the larger tapestry of life.
Example: When we have accepted the meaning of life that was given to us by our culture, and then become disenchanted somehow, the sense of meaninglessness can take us to a deep dark place. We crave meaning that is coherent with an intrinsic need.
Awakening to Authenticity
While extrinsic motivators can navigate us through certain situations, it’s the intrinsic motivations that leave a lasting warmth, igniting a spark that lights up our inner landscape.
Embracing our intrinsic motivations is akin to embarking on a quest towards self-authenticity. It’s about finding stability amidst turmoil, discovering a rhythm in the chaos. Integrating with our true self brings a sense of peace and vitality, a testament to the power of living in harmony with our core essence.
Thats what therapy for true self integration is focused on. living life from intrinsic motivation instead of pressure from the world.
In Conclusion
This journey to integrating our true self and understanding and leveraging our intrinsic motivators is fraught with challenges, but it’s within this very struggle that we find our most potent source of motivation—a force that is undeniably real and fiercely our own. Here’s to embracing the quest for authenticity, to living a life defined by our own standards, where the only recognition we seek is the acknowledgment of our own journey.